And we’re back with yet another chaotic chapter in the Early Legacy!
Last time: Yoel and Maddox rounded out their family with baby Xavi; they went on a bowling date; and the in-laws “helped out” with various things. Onward!
It’s wintertime, and Xanthe has places to be.
i.e., she gotta build a snowman with her brother.
Snowball fight!
Maddox has been having a midlife crisis, and he decided to gain some muscle mass.
He forgot that working out basically sucks.
And then some multi-level-marketing Karen tried to sell him her “nutrition system.” Yikes.
Every generation has That Kid. The mean one. Look’s like it’s Xander for Generation X.
Xanthe can hold her own, though.
Sweets!
SWEETS!!!
Zenobia and Alex are devastated.
Yoel and Maddox are devastated.
Xander is…also devastated.
Xander: “Lights flashing…consciousness fading…body falling…”
Xander: “GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD.”
Well. That was fun.
And then, literally TWO SECONDS LATER, Alex died.
Fucking tragic.
Zenobia: “Excuse me, kid, this is my husband, so buzz off.”
A sad day for the Earlys.
At least the funeral was pretty.
This sucks, bro.
Awkward transition to: Xavi in the nursery(?)
Wonton just saw somebody get the nail clippers out.
She chooses not to see it.
To get her mind off everything, Zenobia decided to teach Xavi his ABCs.
Xavi wants no part of this witchcraft.
It’s Yoel’s birthday, and he’s Very Displeased.
Horror.
A bit overdramatic but ok.
Xanthe is going to be the lead at the ballet recital!
Zenobia gives zero shits.
HAH. You thought we were done with funerals for this update?
Think again.
Goodbye, Zenobia. You were a good heir and an excellent bitch.
Wonton and her ennui.
Tortellini!
They’re both judging you.
In happier news, it’s Xavi’s birthday!
Xavi’s new trait is loves the heat.
Yoel, contemplating how to pick a fight with his husband.
when your brother historical assessment of Bella Goth’s legacy is all wrong
when your sister is weirdly into Bella Goth conspiracy theories
They’re snubbing each other now, so that’s fun.
Yoel. What are you doing now?
Ah, I see. He’s throwing a fit over a new plant.
Xanthe: “dafuq is ur problem?”
Xanthe: “I’m just going to leave you to feel your feelings, I guess.”
Makin’ some pancakes.
Little beggars.
Aw, Yoel read Xavi a bedtime story!
It’s…it’s Handiness, Volume 3…
Yep, they’re still fighting.
What does Yoel see in this guy? A question for the ages.
Time to visit the graveyard.
No deathfish, sadly.
Xanthe found the music box.
Cutie.
Yoel realized summer is right around the corner and he’s done nothing to work on his beach bod.
Crisis averted!
Speaking of the beach: time for some fishing.
Maddox questioned some beach-goers for work.
Some tofu dogs
Then a lil smooch
Xanthe’s dead stare obviously means it’s her birthday.
Happy birthday, Xanthe! Her new trait is snob.
Just two adults, playing at the park.
Wonton came along for the family outing!
Luckily, Xander gets along with his little brother. (Mostly.)
Yoel wanted to practice his kick.
Xanthe was happy to take her dad’s balls in the face.
A very ~masculine~ game of dominoes
Xanthe had a field trip to the art gallery and now she thinks she’s an art critic.
Verdict: her dads have terrible taste.
Xavi’s stupid zebra just lost him the Simtucky Derby.
Maddox gets an unreasonable amount of prank calls. It’s hilarious.
See what I mean about Xander only “mostly” getting along with Xavi?
Xander: “It was just a joke, no need to take it personally.”
Tortellini!
I love him.
Xanthe woke up on Love Day and realized she had no date.
So she kissed Archie, some guy from her chem lab.
Unfortunately, Archie has an almost-girlfriend and therefore already had plans.
Oops.
Yoel woke up on Love Day and realized he actually had to take his husband on a date.
At the boardwalk, some game said they were soulmates.
They smooched on the dancefloor.
They tried some skating.
They failed.
All in all, it was an okay date.
And the boys? They did their own thing on Love Day.
That’s where I’ll leave you for now! As always, thanks for reading, and see you next time.
muckleberri 